As I wrap up my adventure here in Thailand, I went to my fav coffee shop, Chez Ln to say goodbye to my Thailand family.
When I walked in, I gave a big hug to the owner, Helene.
I thanked her for her amazing service, gourmet food she created from Soul and for such an enjoyable experience while I was there on my trip.
She then mentioned….”I’ve been reading your blogs…”
I was really curious to hear what she was going to say next because,
I have NEVER considered myself a writer.
You might be reading this now, and agreeing, “Dr.Shelby is definitely not a writer…I’ve read her blogs” lol
And that’s completely okay, I still love you.
To even think that I have a blog now is actually hilarious in my own mind.
The hysterics even likely cross my mom’s mind too, as she had to be the editor in chief for all of my highschool and university essays, so she has first hand access to the madness.
You see, when I was in public school, I struggled with writing.
I struggled….A LOT.
I think it’s because I process sensory information differently than most.
I FEEL things deeply,
So trying to express what I FEEL into words was a challenge,
An uphill battle,
A climb, as Myley would say.
I struggled with getting all of the thoughts in my head, the feelings in my body into a coherent message that actually made any sense whatsoever.
For example, I remember in grade 12 we were given an opportunity to write an analytical essay on some book we had just read.
And to my surprise and delight, we were allowed a “cheat sheet”
Do you remember those?!
In most cases, having a cheat sheet was pretty much useless, however, the ONLY rule with this cheat sheet is that you were allowed only ONE.
Ok, no problem!
And as most students would write down the themes, the paragraph topics with all of their bullet points and key messages they wanted to get across…
And just write the essay on the actual day of the exam….
I decided to write my WHOLE ENTIRE ESSAY on this one sheet of paper.
I literally spent 3 hours writing out a FULL ESSAY, in the smallest font possible the night before.
I was in heaven.
I could take my time,
I could read and re-read what I was trying to say,
And allow the message to just FLOW.
On my terms.
That exam period was bliss. I felt relaxed, and even did well on the essay.
Now, fast forward into university and the challenge of writing surfaced again.
I was required to take a university level English class to support the requirements to get into Chiropractic College.
I decided to take the class in the summer time so I could solely focus on making sure I passed.
To make a long story short, I got 69 on every paper I wrote lol.
And to me, that was a win.
In those moments, it was confirmed by my fear mind & self critic that,
I AM NOT A WRITER.
I WILL NEVER BE A WRITER.
WRITING IS TOO HARD
So I’d have to become a speaker if I wanted to get my message across.
Then I came across one of my mentors Kat,
I LOVE her writing.
It’s free flowing,
you FEEL the energy that is pouring out,
And often, it ACTIVATES something inside of you when reading it.
it also breaks all the writing “rules”
I thought to myself, THIS IS MY KIND OF WRITING,
And so within the last several months, I decided to write.
I write and allow my message, all the feels, all the emotions to come out onto paper
I don’t edit my message,
I don’t try to change the message,
I just show up and write,
And allow what’s in me to flow through,
And it does.
I allow myself to FEEL the writing.
Because that’s just how I roll.
That’s how MY brain works,
That’s how I get into flow,
And one could argue, it is not “normal” writing, or “proper” writing,
Or likely writing that will get some Pulitzer prize anytime soon.
And I’m completely ok with that.
Because that’s not why I write.
I write to connect IN.
I write to play with my Soul.
I write to activate the knowingness IN me
I write to give myself permission,
I write to BE more fully me,
I write to express,
I write to ACTIVATE,
I write to demonstrate there ARE other ways to do things
I write to touch, move and inspire those who resonate with my vibe, my voice
And that activates something in them, so they can touch move and inspire their people
And I absolutely love it.
And it happens with fun, flow, and ease.
I write because I feel so deeply connected to myself, and to what I am sharing.
And to remember and to remind myself that there are no rules
So back to my story,
Back to Chez Ln in Bangkok….
Helene said…”your writing really stirs something up in me….something is bubbling up, activating within me…”
My Soul smiled.
Yes.
Yes, this is why I continue to write.
SHE was touched, moved and inspired by what I had wrote.
Now imagine if I never gave myself permission to write,
to have a blog,
to share my message,
to allow what’s inside of me to pour through,
I wouldn’t be able to connect to myself,
Connect with others,
And have the impact I desire and know I was meant to create.
It starts with giving yourself permission
Permission to do things differently,
To go against to the grain,
To follow what’s inside of you,
AND….
To do it your way,
Your way is INSIDE of you
and when you are connected,
You just KNOW *how*
And it can be easy and flow,
And you can make the impact you came here to make,
All, by BEING fully you.
So where in your life are you not giving yourself permission?
Where are you listening to the BS other people outside of you say,
that you can’t *write * teach *share,
Or just live your life in the way you choose.
To be blunt…
fuck em.
You do you,
there is no other option,
XO
p.s if you are ever in Thailand, you gotta check out Chez Ln, Soi 11 – the desserts will speak to your Soul
